Zombie for a day

You suspected it wasn’t a good idea when you decided to wear long pants and a button-down shirt on another ridiculously warm and humid day. But it was the first day of the academic year and the president of the university was holding a reception for faculty that afternoon and you wanted to look somewhat more professorial. Nothing dressy, just not your usual shorts and a T-shirt you would normally wear to work on such a hot day. The main problem was that the president’s house is completely across campus from your office and that by the time you got there you were a sweaty and disheveled mess. At the reception you jealously glanced at your colleagues hobnobbing and schmoozing, keeping cool in their shorts and T-shirts. After the event you also realize that not only is the air temperature warmer than when the reception started despite the sun having set, but that your walk home will be twice as long since you are all the way across campus at the president’s house. As you walk home grumpy and sweaty, your stomach giving you heartburn from those jalapeño poppers you gobbled down at the reception, you don’t pay attention to that hole in the sidewalk. When you step in the hole and twist your ankle you reflexively try to right yourself, which somehow causes the calf muscle in your other leg to painfully cramp. Not sure whether to tend to your ankle or your leg cramp first, you try and stretch out your calf, but to do this you need support from your injured leg, causing you to acquire a strange-looking pose in somebody’s front yard. And that somebody is looking at you through her window. So you decide to walk through the pain, knowing you are still a long way from home. You find that the only way to minimize pain is to walk with a limp-like, foot-dragging gait – and as you walk you try and suppress the little grunting noises you have now started to make, hopefully to keep people from staring. But you realize that there’s no use, because you already look like some sort of freakish professorial zombie, hobbling along, grunting and twitching, on a hot late summer evening, limping your way home in search for brains.

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3 Responses to Zombie for a day

  1. You need to drink more booze.

  2. Arlenna says:

    Oh my god, that is hilariously awful.

  3. truthspew says:

    Too funny! I work for an information security firm. That said, our nominal dress code is business casual which is taken to extremes by the unit I work in. My normal attire is a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

    Once you understand you’re there for your mind and not for your looks, you decide you’re better off just being comfy.

    I recall when I worked at Brown University I did the same dress code. My buddy over in PSTC took it to new levels with short and bunny slippers.

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