Rock and Roll Puppies

There’s nothing cuter than kids with puppies. Unless they’re my kids. Then its just sheer terror. Recently a neighbor got two little lab puppies and the kids had been begging us to ask if they could go over and play with them. After the neighbor invited us over, I told the kids about one hundred times that they had to be good, that puppies were just like babies, that they had to be gentle with them, that they were not allowed to pick them up unless the neighbor agreed and even then they needed to be sitting before they picked up the puppies in their laps, that they were not stuffed animals. Within seconds of entering the neighbor’s yard it was as if someone had given my kids amphetamines. They started running around screaming very loudly and repetitively “PUPPIES, PUPPIES, PUPPIES!!!” I mean very loudly. Insanely so. As I am trying to calm them down I see my son walking around with one of the puppies, squeezing him so hard, like a giant tube of toothpaste. So I had to run over to stop him and as I’m doing this my daughter is crouching under the other puppy yelling, again loudly and repetitively “PUPPY IS A BOY, PUPPY IS A BOY!!!” So as I’m telling my daughter that maybe it is a good idea if she spoke a little more quietly and less excitedly, that both the puppies and the neighbor were getting upset, and that she had to learn to be a good guest, I realize that my son is gone. Soon I hear him banging a drum set in the neighbor’s basement yelling “ROCK ‘n’ ROLL, ROCK ‘n’ ROLL!” So I finally gathered and scooped up both kids, apologetically thanked the neighbor and put them back in our house, during which time my son is asking “Daddy can we get a dog?” We have a dog. Now my kids can sometimes be a bit loud, but this was ridiculous. And it’s not like they were cooped-up all day and they needed to burn some energy. They had just spent the entire day running around and playing, and if I had been doing that I would be exhausted. I don’t know where all the extra energy comes from. Maybe they have reservoirs of brown fat, like birds do, which allows them to fly for weeks without stopping. Maybe someone did give them amphetamines…

OK, maybe I am partly to blame for some of this. My son really likes Rock and Roll. I mean he REALLY likes it. The louder the better. He’s always asking me to put some on for him and he turns into a dancing maniac. I find that YouTube is an excellent resource for inculcating your kids with your musical tastes. We often sit around watching music videos and the kids love this. The other day, my son asked me to play some “awesome Rock ‘n Roll video, which was loud”. So I put on The Who playing “Won’t get fooled again” live. This is what I think of when I think of “awesome Rock ‘n Roll”, complete with Keith Moon going nuts all over the drums, Roger Daltrey belting it out and Pete Townshend doing whirligigs with his right hand and then proceeding to smash his guitar. He liked it. But he wanted more, some song that actually had the words “Rock ‘n Roll” in it.  So after thinking for a few moments I find Joan Jett singing “I love Rock and Roll”. And I realize, that after not having seen this video since the eighties, that it is totally awesome, and that Joan Jett totally kicks butt. My son digs it too, and can now be heard singing out this song as he walks around the house. But…he really wants something that’s loud, has the words Rock and Roll in it,  and has “explosions and stuff”. So I come up with exactly what he is looking for…KISS! Yes KISS. I can’t say I’m a fan, nor that it’s the most appropriate music for a four-year old – but they have all the elements: they’re loud, there’s pyrotechnics, they wear makeup and body armor, they have a ridiculously oversized drum set and probably the biggest stage presence of any other band. Soon we’re watching a live video of  “Rock n Roll all Nite”. My son loved it, he loved the song, the shouting, explosions, the idea of going to a party every day, the fact that at some point smoke was coming out of the guitar, the costumes, everything. It was all show and no substance – but isn’t that what Rock music is supposed to be about? After it was done, he just looked at me lovingly and proceeded to give me the biggest hug and kiss. Now that’s better than the stupid puppies.

So enjoy: